The bigger picture
I moved to Denmark in 2021 to share my life with my Danish viking. After the geographical move I decided to use the momentum of change, follow my intuition and leave my legal career.
I was somewhere in between - countries, careers, lives.
I had that idea in my head of becoming a yoga teacher, but did not really offer that opportunity to myself. I closed so many doors in my whole adult life before without even a glimpse of what lays behind. Telling myself, no dear - this is not for you, no dear - you can’t do this, no dear - this is unrealistic, no dear - you are not good enough for this.
Until it broke out of me, the urge of stepping into that direction. I realized that I have denied myself too many things, afraid of getting lost out of the comfort zone, afraid of being looked at a hopeless dreamer.
Looking back to my twenties, I can in hindsight say, that I was seeking some sort of outside-approval and respect. Like many of us at that age did and do, I would guess. Long story short, I ended up with blindly continuing to study for my law degree. I never liked it, but it was a “stable” thing to do and I was good at it. It was the “easy” way to just keep going. I also had the strange urge to prove myself and others, that I’m “smart enough” to be a lawyer. That I follow through even though things can be pretty damn hard. So I did, and guess what, nobody really cared. And I ended up in the legal industry, where I never felt I fitted in.
I slowly became deeply unhappy and started to feel empty. One day I had to admit to myself, I’m doing no good to myself if I continue with that job. It was ultimately my body and my mind showing me clearly, that it was time to take action. I remember walking home from my 33th birthday dinner, crying. It was that evening, when I realized, that I was unable to feel joy anymore. I was feeling sad and guilty at the same time, frightened. I started to see how close I’m standing from slipping down that road of being really really unhappy. I understood, how incredible lost and disconnected one can feel from the world and anything good in it. Like you could see the world through a glass door, but you’re unable to feel, see or hear anything good happening there.
My choice to move countries and the love and support of my boyfriend as well as my close circle of family and friends at the exact right timing saved me. It took me some months to get back on my feet. I started caring more about myself and less about other peoples opinions. I started to listen and be honest to myself. I started to say things out loud, starting doing that to my dearest ones. My hopes, my wishes, my worries. Questioning my life path and how I ended up where I was. I tried to dissect what happened in the past, so I can make better sense of it. And it worked for me.
It gave me courage to give it a honest try. I’ve found a part-time job in a café in order to take the financial pressure a bit off my shoulders and with the aim of not letting the fears and insecurities involved in this whole endeavour impact my passion. From the moment I took the decision to build my yoga business and turn this into something I can do professionally, I’m fully dedicated to it, pouring my heart and soul into it. With all ups and downs, but step by step moving forward. Despite the countless hours of work and moments of doubts, it feels like I’m finally aligning with my inner self. It feels like I am finally on the right path.
Who knows what the future brings, but I will be forever grateful for my courage to give THIS a wholehearted try.
