The myth of grown-up jobs

Do you have a a grown-up job?

A few weeks ago, I was cleaning up the studio after teaching a class, when I overheard a conversation between a student and the teacher preparing for the next class. The student was congratulating the teacher, as she recently got her masters degree. They were discussing it, and the student asked what 'voksen job' (aka 'grown-up job') she wanted to pursue now. It became clear that teaching movement/yoga classes was seen as a part-time/next to something else thing, not a 'real job'.

I heard the use of similar language/terms before, actually in a room full of yoga teachers, where people introduced themselves and some told about their other, “real job” – and the same term was used, “grown-up job”.

This triggered me back then in the room full of teachers and hearing it again in this recent conversation, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. I kindly but firmly said, 'What do you mean? This is my real, grown-up job. She apologized, saying it was a 'real job' and didn't mean it that way.

Societal expectations and identification with your job

The thing is, I don’t believe, that it was not meant that way. I don’t blame the girl. We grow up that way, at least I certainly did. Society wants you to go corporate. Ideally, you should go to university, get a well-paid, prestigious office job, and live comfortably. While this path works for some, it won’t fulfill everyone.  

I could go on with this, but what I actually meant to address here is, that this idea of 'real' versus 'unreal' jobs is one of the reasons that keeps people stuck in unfulfilling careers.

I believe, that we learnt to identify with our jobs. When we introduce ourselves, we often start with our name and job. We automatically put people with certain jobs in certain boxes and label them. As if we then knew who they are as a person.

Can we please stop with that?

Personal journey

I remember the positive feedback, the awe of many people when I passed the bar exam. They were proud of me and this big professional achievement. I remember friends and family being excited to tell others about me, their newly graduated lawyer. And I was proud myself too. I remember seeing my name on the sign outside the law office where I worked. It felt like I made it! It was an achievement after years of dedication and countless hours of study. I didn’t have to worry about money anymore and the security I had, it made me happy. For a while at least.

Until I slowly started to realize that – surpriiise - I actually didn’t like what I had to do day in and day out. It became clear to me, that business-me was someone else than that real-me inside. I had to be someone else to fit the job, I had to shovel down emotions and fears. I had to pretend.

Breaking free

Along with some personal changes I decided months later, that I need to quit that job. At that point I thought, I’ll change to corporate, stay within the legal world, but away from the forensic law work (defending clients interest in front of the court). I tried the banking world, which offered good money, but as I expected, it wasn’t where I want to stay.

Really what gave me the courage to leave the legal world, was noticing that my mental health was suffering, I started to feel numb and sad a lot, I lost my natural joyful side. My inner voice telling me something’s gotta change. The circumstances of relocating into another country made things a little easier. After moving to Copenhagen I took the time to recover from not feeling well. I had the finances to take some months off. That saved me. I had the time to figure out, what I want. How are you supposed to that with a time and energy consuming job? I get it completely, why people get stuck within their careers. It just seems too much of a hassle, too much of a risk, to leave something familiar and jump into the unknown.

Yes, it’s hard - but not impossible.

About identification and labelled boxes

I remember another struggle, when I started to work in a café here in Copenhagen at 33. I “casually” dropped the information to my colleagues, that I used to work as a lawyer in Switzerland. I somehow felt that they need to get a clear “picture” of me, of my past. Here we go: I identified with that job title still. I was not comfortable with the fact, that they would think, I was “JUST” service staff/barista. This showed me how deeply conditioned I was. I felt not being “good enough” if seen with that job. So: I did a similar thing that the student did, when talking about “grown-up jobs” – boxes with labels on it to put people with certain jobs into them and seal them real good. I did it with myself. Agh!

I realized that I was worried about what others think and that they would look down on me. That people judge me for having this job. I had to let that go and stop caring. Today, I no longer have the urge to explain people, what education I bring with, pinpoint how “smart” I am. I know that the job in the café gives me joy and the type of support I need to develop as a yoga teacher. I am creating the life that resonates with me, working towards purpose and fulfillment. And if society is not ready for that, honestly, I don’t give a fuck anymore. I am doing it anyway.  

Challenge your own perception first

Sure, it takes courage. But I would jump into the adventure again. And I think more people would dare to jump, if society would be more acceptable of these jumps. Maybe it would help, if we would stop categorizing jobs (and people) and calling some of them grown-up jobs and the others not. It starts by challenging our beliefs about careers and letting go of the idea that our job defines us.

We are so much more of what we do for a job. Even if we love it, even if we are passionate about it – in my opinion, it will never fully define you.