The urge for perfection
To be a perfectionist has been one of these “bad traits” being brought up in job interviews to describe a personal flaw. This would then be swirled around and interpreted as a good thing. I mean yes, I understand the idea somehow, who wouldn’t want to hire someone that wants to do the job with all possible effort and the urge to perform perfectly?
But let’s pinpoint it down. Perfection somehow still carries a positive connotation, even though it’s fairly obvious that striving towards perfectionism is beyond exhausting, because it requires huge resources of energy and time. It seems like we as human beings are conditioned to want to do things the perfect way, a burden we put often unconsciously onto ourselves. We strive to do things perfectly, appear perfectly to others, have the perfect balance in life, have the perfect bodies and simply BE perfect.
I believe it’s important to reflect on the fact, that we often just have a blurry idea of what we consider “perfect”. Mostly we don’t reach our “perfect” or the “perfect” is not so perfect after all, when we get there. Why allowing it to get so much attention, so much focus then?
It has probably become so inherent, that we’ll often don’t even notice the exaggerated expectations we put on yourself during the course of a single day. And the pressure to fulfill our own expectations can weigh us down big time. Or when the concept of “your perfect” is not being met. It might leave us with a disappointed, unsatisfied feeling of not having done enough or not having done something well or long enough.
In his book “The practice is the path” Tias Little summarizes it to the point by saying that
“any preoccupation with perfectionism requires significant mental and emotional effort to sustain. By striving towards perfectionism, you will often feel afraid, restless and unsettled, it may make you feel that things are never quite right and that you are responsible and at fault. When we let go of the urge or desire or pressure to be perfect, we free up a tremendous amount of potential energy and have more capacity to be accepting, at ease and content.”
To take this urge of perfectionism to the yoga-mat I’d like to repeat, what Little is pointing out: “Yoga is not meant to make the body perfect, but rather support your body’s signature unique shape.” Little reminds, that our bodies are expressions of a multitude of historical forces like falls, illnesses and accidents. As well as genes, hormones, energy-levels, sleep etc., I would add.
So even though it’s quite obvious and natural that the physical postures will look different in all of us, I’m sure you know this often-automatic urge to “strive to do a posture in the right way”. And yes, it’s important to know and respect alignment that supports and not harms your body. But your body will almost always tell you to back off by feelings of pain and discomfort anyway. So a good thing is certainly focusing on learning to listen better. Learn to be attentive to the body’s reaction rather than forcing yourself into any posture no matter what. Dare to say no ”thank you” to your ego, if it wants you to reach a specific “goal” and instead appreciate where your body is at on any given day.
Practicing yoga asana can definitely help and support you to listen better to yourself and your body. Conscious movement and connecting movement and breath can be considered your playground for that.
Where to start, you might wonder? I suggest by noticing or acknowledging the urge to be perfect or to do something perfectly. So you cast light on the often-ridiculous expectations towards yourself. This consciousness will enable you to be more patient with yourself, cultivate more kindness and compassion toward yourself and others.
Grant yourself and others freedom from the desire for perfection, a little more each day.
